I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
