I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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