She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
