My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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