I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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