I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
