Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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