I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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