I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
