WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
