I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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