It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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