Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
