We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
