It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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