pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
