I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
