omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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