I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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