69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
