I accidentally had phone sex last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
