You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
