can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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