Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
