I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
