what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All the doctor said was why
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
