Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
