i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
