420 ftw
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
