I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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