im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
