I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
