you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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