It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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