We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
