There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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