I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
