John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
