We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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