Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
