I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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