i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
