i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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