Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
being pregnant is like rehab
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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