so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
