Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
