remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
