I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
