Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
