this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
