dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
