8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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