The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
