Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
