dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
