I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
